When things have become old... and yet here you are

I've realized since I have moved home that my life is totally different than I thought it would be. I don't know about you but it was never my dream to graduate college and move home again, only to go back to a job that I quit 8 months ago. I realize that in saying this that there are plenty of people who move home after college in order to adjust to things; and I am very grateful that I have a home and someone where to live. But this really wasn't my dream...

I guess I always felt like well I'll finish high school and go to college and then after that I will become a productive member of society and everything will be awesome. My life will fall into place, everything will be perfect, and my 20s will be the time of my life. Hahahaha (that's me laughing at myself and my plans.) The one thing college doesn't really prepare you for is Post Grad. The syndrome that afflicts over 82 percent of students. (btw I just made that statistic up but I'm pretty sure it's accurate.)

Post Grad- Is when you graduate college and you feel as though you are so full of potential that you can and will do anything and everything. Then as time passes and you are rejected by jobs that you are obviously qualified for and your amount of debt increases stage 2 of the syndrome becomes apparent. You feel as though you are qualified in nothing and that the last 4 or 5 years of your life has been a waste. Your debt seems insurmountable, you may have to move in with your parents, and your job you are probably over qualified for that and may actually hate it. You are probably working more hours and actually make less money, and you are pretty sure you are too old for any of the things you use to do in college a.k.a hang out in bars and stay out all night. In the final stages of PGS you realize that maybe you can actually do something with your life and you apply for a job that you actually like and you actually get it. Life starts looking up and you become a bit more stable.

Let me just tell you I am def. in stage 2 of PGS. I live at home with my parents (who thanks to them I actually have a place to sleep.), I'm working at the job I was at before I moved, I def. have some insane (at least what seems insane) debt, and I am pretty sure that if I try to go down to our local bar one more time I may shoot myself. I feel as though I have out grown so much and yet I am stuck here for a lack of options. And at times I am pretty sure I am gonna go insane. But and thank God there is a but for this sentence, I have to believe that this is gonna get better.

I have to believe that this is not my life this is just my life for right now. And it hasn't all been bad I've done some things I never thought I'd do. I told someone how I really feel, I moved, I came home, in the past few weeks I've experienced some great adventures, and I've found some friends who I didn't even know were really there. So maybe this is what life is about. Sometimes things suck there is not enough time or money, there is fights and pain, but there is also laughter, being brave, and experiencing some great things with great people. So maybe it's not about perfection but experience. So for now I am trying to enjoy the good things, grow from the bad, and in between all that get my life together.

Lent : So it's that time again

Alright so it has become that time again, no not Spring Break and not Summer time. It is the time of Lent. Lent starts off every year on Tuesday- now Fat Tuesday tends to be a lot of people's favorite holiday because it is the infamous Mardi Gra; the time period were people go out get stupid drunk and do stupid things only to wake up the next morning in their underwear with a billion plastic beads in some weird apartment that smells like stale booze and sex.

Now I'm sure that not everyone celebrates Mardi Gra quite like that for example I will happen to wake up tomorrow in my own room without a billion beads and my pants on. Obviously a win.

But anyway on with the tradition of Lent. Lent is a tradition that is practiced by a ton of people,most commonly though Catholics. Now the beauty of this is that I'm not Catholic (although secretly I think I may be Catholic, kinda like when I run I'm also a Kenyan) , so why would I choose to practice something that forces me to give up something, that I probably really like and/or enjoy. Well the answer is simple, because one year my church decided to follow in the tradition and actually practice Lent and I have practiced it ever since.

Now for my practice of Lent I usually require myself to give up something that I consider maybe not a great habit, such as swearing and something that I enjoy but could be if in excess bad, say drinking. Every year I give up swearing on Lent and every year I never make it the full 40 Days it requires. Some years I feel if I'm lucky to make it through week one.

This year I have decided to give up a few things, I am going to try very hard to stop swearing. Swearing is pretty much built into my vocabulary, but not to the point where I don't sensor myself around certain company. However if I am with acceptable company I swear like a sailor, sometimes a little worse. Something I'm sure my mother finds not only endearing but lady-like as well. (if you can't tell that is serious sarcasm). I have also decided to give up drink, including for Saint Patrick's Day - which is my favorite holiday next to Christmas and that I find an essential part of my Irish heritage. This will be the first year that I do not give myself a free pass for St. Patty's for Lent. I've decided to give up one other thing, but let's just say that one is kinda personal.

This year for Lent I want to focus on becoming the person I would like to be and holding myself accountable for the goals I set, as well as being able to create some healthy habits. Here is to a time period of reflection and growth. May I remember that there is beauty in the struggle and that anything worth having or doing is worth fighting for. May you all be blessed in this upcoming season.